Life... doesn't completely suck?

The hell is this?
Life doesn't completely suck for me? Why didn't anybody tell me! And here I was thinking that I just couldn't be happy even though this is my year.

Why so good?
Well... Let's have a review of last month. I got sick, depressed, wound up in the ER, didn't get to go to a concert, didn't get anything for my birthday, lost my computer to a rootkit, etc...

Now let's have a review of the month so far. I got to meet Lacuna Coil, met a few of the members from Empty Spiral, got to see LC in concert, finished the install of some new components in Motoko, got a pet rat, found out that my insurance isn't going to completely fuck me over, etc...

I guess I can't do much complaining about this month. It's been pretty rockstar so far and it seems like it might just stay that way, save a couple people trying their fucking hardest to piss me off to the point of absolute self destruction. Fucking bastards.

What's this LC news?
So LC came to SLC last Tiw's Day and Baren and I already had our tickets. The night before I received a message from Gandoof over on ES stating that they were doing a signing and acoustic performance before the show! Sweet Sejenus, how can I turn that down? I had been working on a piece of LC art: Cristina, taken from March's Revolver centerfold with Angela Gossow. I wasn't satisfied with the piece at the time but I am fairly proud of it none the less. Rather than taking my liner notes from the LC albums (yes, I have every last full album) I decided to take the art piece down to the signing. What better way to show my love than to show them my fan art? Besides, I've never seen another piece of fan art signed by the subject, let alone an entire band.

What happened...
We got to the cafe where the performance was to be held (Borders Books Cafe, just for reference) and picked a spot. We had a lone camera with us (I left mine in the car in a frenzy) and tried to get the best spot we could. That spot, due to the amount of people in the cafe (thank God, I was worried/happy that we would be two of just a few), happened to be stage left, right behind the sound equipment. We were standing literally right-the-fuck-there when the band came in! We were standing not ten feet from one of the band members who was walking around the whole time, though nobody else seemed to notice.

We waited for some time for everything to be ready. When the band finally came out, speaking Italian phrases, the crowd just about lost it. We maintained our composure for the most part. My hands started sweating and my heart started racing. (I don't think many people understand just what Lacuna Coil means to me.) The band played, made jokes, and Criz (I think, can't find a pic to tie to the name; Yes, I'm fired) spent the time on the sidelines finding books that he found humorous and flashing them to the crowd. That was an FTW (fut the wuck for you lamans) moment if ever I saw one. Missed taking a few great shots cause I was laughing my ass off.

Unspoken, Closer, Within Me and a special treat, Swamped were the acoustic performance songs. All I can say is see them live when you can, see them acoustic in that wonderful, intimate atmosphere if you can. If/when they come again I will be there with fucking bells and whistles on. It was just that fucking good.

The signing
Baren and I were in the line working our way through from about the halfway mark. I had my art pad in my hand, trying to keep from soaking it with sweat. I was shaking a little and was having to wipe my palms on my levis almost constantly. No, constantly. Baren had to leave the line when we were getting close, leaving me with his ticket 'just in case' because he didn't have anything for them to sign! Can't blame him really: we were in a serious hurry and neither of us were thinking straight. I digress...

As I approached the table I caught a glimpse of our wonderful siren, Cristina, just over the counter. (I'm still getting butterflies thinking about it...) I had my finger marking the page in my art pad so I didn't have to search for it when I got to the table. Quick glimpse of what was going through my mind: I get to present a piece of fan art to my favorite band! They're going to sign a piece of my fan art! Cristina's first in line and the art is of her! I get to meet my favorite band! My favorite band is going to sign some of my stuff! That all took place in about half a second. Then I was up next.

I was shaking, nervous as hell and couldn't decide if I wanted to be sick, jump the band or just have a hysterical breakdown of some sort. I got to Cristina and fumbled with my art pad. I almost didn't get it open! When I did I handed it to Cristina. I didn't set it on the table, I handed it directly to her. It was the most exhilirating and terrifying moment of my life. She glanced up at me (she looked at me) and gave me a strange look. I still can't decide whether she was saying "the fuck is this garbage", "the hell is this?", "my god this is gorgeous" or "you brought this?". I don't care and I'll continue delluding myself by believing she thought it was fucking great. She signed the piece, almost reluctantly I thought, then passed it to Andrea who was next in line. I quickly handed Baren's ticket to her and moved on.

I stepped in front of Andrea. He looked at the piece and considered it for a moment. He looked up at me with, I swear, astonishment and said (with a fairly thick Italian accent) "You want me to sign this? It's of Christina!". All I could manage to say, because I wasn't really thinking at that point, was "yes. FuckJesusGodFuckingYesPleaseSignIt!". His reply was a simple "Okay" with a questioning tone. I honestly thought he was going to say something like 'this sucks' or 'I'm not going to sign it and I'm insulted that it's just Cristina!' but they really aren't like that at all. They're one of the nicest groups of people I've ever met.

As I made my way along the line to the rest of the band they all happily signed it and three of them congratulated me. I felt like a schoolgirl I did. A giddy little schoolgirl who just got her cherry popped (what a horrible analogy!).

I can't put in to words the elation that I felt. I wanted to laugh, scream, cry, die, etc..., anything that would relieve the tension! All I could do was walk away and let out a sigh of relief. That drawing is the only thing that I got signed. I considered, quite heavily, buying one of the albums again just to have them sign it but it would have ruined the moment. I just wanted to revel in the whole thing until the concert later that night.

Please check out Baren's blog for his part of the signing and check out Gandoof's (aka utah_coiler, aka Paul) review of the whole day (it starts on the second post). You think I write a lot? This guy just might, with practice, beat me some day... >:)

Before you think I've lost my cynisism...
I'm still a cynical fuck even if I'm having a great day. In fact being happy (or something close to it) gives me focus. While I'm not going to tell you about the concert I will tell you about

The sluttiest girl at the concert contest
5'5", dark brown hair, good looking if not a little young (about 19). She really was attractive, then she turned so I was looking at her ass (yes, I do that kind of thing). All I can say is: cammo g-string that was hitched up to her ribs. It was like a vine caught in a canyon. Butt floss can't begin to describe it. And what made it worse was her pants (or what was there of them) were hanging off her ass. Nuff said.

Dumbass question of the week
So it'll have to be the dumbass question of the last two weeks. Sue me. Yes it's a joke but it's actually happened. Got it in an email, you've probably heard it and I don't fucking care. It makes me laugh and makes me want to destroy humanity just on principle.
"What were you doing last Tuesday morning Dr. Autopsy?"
"I was performing an autopsy on Mr. DeadGuy."
"Did you check for a pulse?"
"Did you check for breathing?"
"Did you check for reflexes or blood pressure?"
"So the deceased could have, in fact, been alive?"
"Well if you didn't check for vital signs how could you know?"
"His brain was in a jar on my desk."
"Okay but taking that aside he could have conceivably been alive, couldn't he?"
"Yes. He could have been alive and practicing law."

Tee hee hee... makes me humorous.

Ha! No links for you! I really do expect you to check out the LC official site and LC fansite EmptySpiral.

"So she said 'that's not my 39 pin interface'. I said 'that's okay cause that's not my gold plated connector'!"

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Flamers will be neutered, pulverized, drawn and quartered and their heads will become my next hood ornament while their bodies will be burned and the ashes thrown in to my personal portal to the 7th level of Hell.